keeping on keeping on

We've been talking about drinking out of toxic plastic on our listserve and getting bummed out about all the years we've been doing it. It is hard sometimes to do this work, to face what is happening and change it. I especially don't like looking at the ways I contribute to the problem. I hate the fact that my little girls have been drinking out of toxic sippy cups for years and that my breast milk probably did a number on them too. And the plastic thing is just one little tiny facet of this incredibly complex and integrated crisis we find ourselves in. It's scary because we don't know what's going to happen with any of it. And sad because I love my family and want a bright and happy future for them.

So what do we do? How do we move forward? I was talking about this whole situation with a friend of mine who has been a therapist for many years. He said two things that really stuck with me: First, that we need to stay in balance ourselves as we work to return our lives and the world to balance. It's so easy for me to abandon things like sleep, regular meals, exercise, time with my family and friends and plain old fun. But I think my friend is right. We've got to pace ourselves, which is never my strong suit. His other idea is to think of this work as continual transition. We don't have to have it all down, and probably never will. We just need to keep learning, responding and changing, making healthier and more informed choices each time. The sum total of all our small changes will lead to good things.

Some days (often multiple times a day), I don't want to do this green thing anymore. I want to go back to where I was a month ago, blissfully buying plastic toys at 5 in the morning on Black Friday and feeling all cozy in my 72 degree house. But two things keep me moving forward. I keep mentally bouncing against the idea that the reality of global warming isn't going away whether it makes me happy or not. And the thought that always follows is that I need to face it for my kids. The depth of my learning to live green is fueled by my love for my kids. They're (to use my favorite phrase I learned in high school) inextricably intertwined.

I want this future for my kids and I believe it's possible. We can change direction. It's just hard sometimes.